SCENE – Bedroom…. 2013. I was in my 3rd year of Uni, in my room attempting to make sense of my Computer Science dissertation. I hated it, wanted rid of the whole idea, go back and change my choice….changing my course didn’t remove me from this torture….not engaged by uni work at all, so no point in it. I at some point decided to write a blog reminiscing on the walk I took to procrastinate…..”Tea and me” or somat…didn’t get very far…
—————————- BLAST FROM THE PAST ————————-
Forget it all and go for a walk…….simples
I was (as always) having a moment of thought, day dreaming. I was missing home, my secondary school friends, my past life and most of all my past self. Felt as though I had lost touch of me, my personality, who I am, what I stand for (and sit for of course). I was struggling with uni life, love life, work life and social life not wanting to do anything, not caring at all. I wished I could hide, hibernate from the world and get away from people, away from the complications, responsibilities, just not think any more.….
After many hours of staring with a book attempting to read, I found myself just wasting time gazing at the scenery. I would try something else, like attempting to figure out the difference between HTML and XTML and also be blank (note to self comp sci – not my thing), just not bothered. I was fed up, tea lost its appeal (from 6 cups a day to 2) facebook lost its procrastinating value and no-one else was free for a minute, let alone a catch up. Totally sick of just sitting, getting no were, so thought it was time…..time to enjoy a few minutes to myself, just me, my music and nature. OUTDOORS!! A walk along the seafront, plan! (I figured I needed to lose a few pounds too anyway so killing two birds with one stone I guess – score)
The noise of hungry seagulls, burning glaze of the sun on my face, laughing children and cute couples enjoying time together was wonderful to see and got me thinking. Thinking about friendship, family, love, life and what it is all about. Seeing these families enjoying a break, elderly couples walking hand in hand (aarrhh) and kids happy to have a day off from school, all made me feel whole again. Kind of crazy really, felt like a penny had dropped. It reminded me of what I had forgotten, the good points of life. I was over thinking only of the bad, the negative and forgot it is all part of life and living it. We have to have bad to realise the good. We have to see or experience struggle to be stronger and appreciate the little things more. We have to sit in front of a computer for hours or have school to go to or work to get done, so that when we don’t, we enjoy it that little bit more. Reminiscing, feeling proud for what we have achieved. It all makes the simpler things more exciting and more special. So we look back and think yea, that’s life, that’s my life and I lived it.
People: Parents – the reason we are here, friends – the reason we rebel against parents, teachers – teaching us the ways of an academic life with structure and research, coaches – teaching us sport or new skills and children – reminding us to dream, triggering memories of what we had and how far we have come….or if have our own then we share love, lessons, stories and see ourselves in them as they grow older. Beautiful….Life….living it!
So to some extent – the ones we love, hate, laugh at and laugh with are all a major part of our life experiences. Not really the answer to why we are in the world, alive and all that but a bloody good reason to live it!
My advice to you – take a walk, whenever you get the chance, where ever it takes you and just embrace your free time. Observe, admire the others around you and think about the positive things you have achieved and what you have managed to go through to get to this stage in your life and feel more alive for the rest of it. Then return to your work with a better positive perspective, refreshed to takle anything. The difference between HTML and XTML, just a letter. 😛
P.S – no actual birds were harmed in the making of this story…..
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(Kinda funny when read your own words and take on board the advice….time for a walk) 😛